Managing stress in sobriety

In today’s episode, we’re talking about healthier ways to manage stress without turning to alcohol. For so many of us, drinking has been the go-to because it works fast -it takes the edge off and gives quick relief. But that relief is temporary, and it doesn’t actually address what’s underneath the stress. Over time, it can leave us feeling even more anxious, overwhelmed, and stuck in a cycle.

So today, I’m sharing simple, practical strategies you can use in those moments when stress hits -tools that help you actually move through what you’re feeling instead of escaping it. Because most of the time, it’s not that we truly want alcohol, we just want relief. And there are healthier ways to get there.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm not gonna lie, managing stress was one of the harder things for me in the beginning of sobriety because let's be real, alcohol works as a stress reliever, and that is why it's so easy to get addicted to the feeling of relieving stress with alcohol. It allows us to turn off our minds completely. It's like we could have had the craziest day, so much going on at work or with your significant other or whatever, like crazy customers. If you work at a restaurant or a bar, anything that's going on in your life. You come home, you're ready to decompress, you crack into a drink, and after you're about halfway through that first drink, it's like, oh, all of that craziness from the day just melts away, and you instantly feel that relief. And it's only human for us to seek out that relief. We all deserve to turn off our minds and like be relieved from the stressors of life. It's only human. So it makes sense that so many of us turn to alcohol, which is the easiest way out of stress. But we are not about the easy way out. We are about long-term solutions, actually good mental health, like long-term. We're not about the band-aid fixes around here. In sobriety, we are creating long-term solutions that will work for us forever. Things that will actually relieve our stress in a healthy way instead of just band-aid fixing it with alcohol. That is a temporary solution to make us instantly feel good. It is like instant gratification. It is giving in to a temptation to feel that instant relief without thinking about the long term. So in today's episode, I'm gonna give you some healthier solutions to deal with stress. And I'm not saying any of these are perfect, but give them a go and see what works for you. Because we have to find healthier alternatives. We can't just pretend like the stress is gonna go away when we get sober. Things are still going to annoy us, they're still gonna stress us out. Life keeps going on, the world keeps spinning, even when we get sober. So when we used to use alcohol as our stress reliever, now we use other tactics, and we have to just find the ones that work for us so that we can survive in this unfortunately stressful world that we live in. So without further ado, let's get right into today's episode. Welcome to the Sober Scoop. This is a judgment-free zone where we talk about how to get sober and stay sober. You're not alone. I hope you feel seen. Quitting alcohol is the best decision I've ever made. Okay, the first healthy stress relief tactic that I want to talk about is lists, writing things down, okay? This is so helpful. It takes everything that's going on in our heads and puts it onto paper so that we can stop thinking about it. Because sometimes I find that it's almost like I can't remember what I'm supposed to be stressing about. I just feel overall anxious because I know that things are stressful. But if you write down exactly what it is that's on your mind, it's like you don't have to think about being stressed anymore, if that makes sense. It's all there written on the piece of paper so that when you're kind of clocked back in, literally or figuratively, you know what you have to think about. And you don't have to be stressed about forgetting what you're supposed to be thinking about. Like I call this a lot of times analysis paralysis, where there's so much going on you don't even know what to do first or like what to do about it. So when you write down everything that's on your mind, it kind of visualizes things for you so that you can pick and choose what you need to prioritize and you can calculate how much time each thing is gonna take. You can calculate when you're gonna set aside time to work on those things. Um, it just takes all the mental chatter going on in your head and puts it onto paper so that you can throw that aside and enjoy your evening after work or enjoy a date night with your husband or whatever you're doing. It allows you to shut off your brain for a little bit when you write things down because we all deserve to have a mental break and shut off our brain every now and then. And we don't need alcohol to do that. Writing things down is really helpful. So, for example, part of the inspiration for this episode was because I was an absolute stress ball before I sat down to record this. Even now I'm still feeling a little bit stressed, but at least I wrote everything down so that it seems like a million things in my head, but I write it down and there's really four key things I had to work on or I still needed to do. And just seeing that it was those four items helped me just uh, I guess make it feel real, right? It's like there's actually only those four things. When we have all those four things and all the jumbled thoughts that come with those four things in our head, we are just running circles, we don't know what we actually have to do, we don't know what we need to do first. It's just jumbled thoughts in our head. And that right there is very stressful because you don't know what to begin, you keep forgetting things, it's it's chaos up top, okay? So when we write the things down, for me at least, it just helps me realize that it's it's it's doable, okay? Let's be realistic here. Don't get so stressed out, don't freak out about how much you have to do. Write down those four things. And when I saw those four things written down on paper, I was like, okay, actually, one of the deadlines is not till Saturday. Another deadline is not till next Tuesday. So I'm gonna prioritize the two things that need to be done a lot sooner. It just made it seem less crazy. It's like, stop being so stressed. You really have these four tasks, okay? Get one done right now. The one that is most imminent, the one that is most stressing you out, do it right now. I actually said, okay, I have to record a podcast today. A podcast episode comes out every Tuesday and Thursday, so I have to sit down and record one. That is a non-negotiable that will happen every Tuesday and Thursday, and I didn't have one for uh today, actually, if you're listening live this Tuesday. So I'm like, okay, that's number one priority. Sit down and record that, and you get to cross it off your list. So there's that. Then it was three other things, okay. My apartment is a mess, so I need to clean my apartment. I'm making a fitness guide. If you're interested in weightlifting, it's going to be a six-week program, so that's kind of exciting. Um, but that's due April 12th because I'm making it with someone else, and that is our deadline. So I don't need to work on that right now, right? I still have another week. So that goes down in priority. I do have to film two social media videos. One of them for this lovely living room furniture I just got. If you're watching on YouTube, you can see this pretty chair I'm sitting in. Um, and another one for this kind of health monitor, like a wearable similar to the aura ring. Uh, anyways, those two things I said I would finish by end of week. So I wrote down what I had to do, when they needed to be done, and that really helped me prioritize. I said, okay, podcast, that's got to be done right now. Let's get that taken care of. Then tomorrow, let's film those two partnerships. Then over the next couple days, we can start working on the fitness guide. And all of a sudden, the crazy stress that I had actually just feels more manageable. It's not as crazy as I thought. There's four things, and sometimes our brains just make it seem so much more chaotic than it needs to be. When you break it down to really what needs to be done and when, it makes it a lot more manageable for ourselves. Okay, my second tip is physical fitness. I talk about walking a lot and how anytime I'm having a craving or anytime I'm struggling, I go on a walk and it is literally like therapy. I put in a podcast and I walk my little heart out, and without a doubt, after every single walk, I feel better than I did when I started. Walking to me is a foolproof way to feel better if you are down. It's a foolproof way to get through a craving if I am thinking about alcohol and um, you know, struggling a little bit in my sobriety. A walk works for me 100% of the time. So obviously that is an option for stress relief too, but I think that a little bit more intense exercise, I guess would be the word, um, is good for this as well. Because I believe that stress, yes, it's in our heads, but it's also physical. Like our cortisol is high, our stress hormones. We are physically feeling the anxiety and weight of our stress. So putting that into something else and like chemically releasing endorphins to me is an actual solution. It feels like an actual tactic. Similar to alcohol, it's like we're drinking something, it's physically altering us, and we're feeling better from the stress. A much healthier alternative is exercise because you're physically doing something, and chemically you are releasing endorphins and you are gonna feel better because you're putting that stressful energy into something else. So I don't know if that makes sense, but it makes sense in my head, thinking of it as another like chemical imbalance, and we're we're putting that energy into something else. So maybe that is lifting heavy weights, maybe that's going on a run, maybe it's signing up for a workout class, like doing a Pilates class, being around other people, and like you have to show up at a certain time. Whatever feels right to you, go ahead and do that. But I just feel that physical fitness is a proven stress reliever. And even though sometimes physical fitness is like the last thing we want to do, it always, always works. Every time I do a workout in the morning, my day is better. It's like working out just sets the tone for the day. So similarly, if you get home from work and you are a stress ball and going crazy, going to the gym is probably gonna have a similar effect. It's going to literally make you happier and calmer. And it I think uh like exerting yourself also helps you not to think about whatever it is you're obsessing over. You're focusing on your form, you're having to focus on physically lifting something or running, and you're looking to make sure there's no cars and you're looking at the scenery around you, maybe you're listening to a podcast, like you're distracting yourself in a way, but then also there is that chemical effect of releasing endorphins. So, physical fitness, as much as sometimes we do not want to do it, if you do it, you'll feel better. And I think once we see that proven, like now that I know physical fitness literally works wonders for stress relief, when I'm stressed, I will work out, even if I really, really don't want to, because I know that it works. So proof is in the pudding. Give it a go. It really does help with stress relief. Number three, and this is something I am still working on, but for me, a lot of the drinking was something to do with my hands, something to do with my mouth, like the physical aspect of holding something and sipping on it. So we can replace that with a lot of different things. Like if I am watching a movie or TV, I will still be just as stressed because I'm so high strung, and it's almost like that stressful energy is not going into anything, like we talked about with the physical fitness. It's just kind of in me and and going at 100 miles an hour, and I can't even focus on the movie a lot of time. So something that I like to do is, first of all, I put on Vaseline on my lips because otherwise I will pick them to death. It's like I need something to fidget with. So on that note, there are lots of fidget toys to do uh to buy. You can get a fidget toy, you can find something around your house that you like to fidget with. Literally, if I grab a rubber band and play with it during the movie, I'll be able to focus on the movie more. It's crazy. Um, I think it's just something to do with the fact that I would just always be sipping something. And so it's like I need to have something to do with my hands in order to focus on the movie. It's very hard to describe. In the beginning of my sobriety, I uh used sunflower seeds to keep my hands and mouth busy, and it worked wonders. But long story short, unfortunately, I'm very susceptible to cold sores, and the salt in the sunflower seeds causes those. It like irritates my lips a lot. Um, I got all sorts of lip issues, but anyway. Um, what was I saying? Yes, sunflower seeds. So if you're okay to chew sunflower seeds, that keeps your mouth really busy, it keeps your hands busy, and I know this is kind of gross, but I would like have a cup and I would just be spitting the seeds into the cup while I'm watching a movie. It made me able to relax, turn off my brain, and actually wind down with a movie without going crazy. You can also keep a notepad by your side or just the notes app on your phone while you're watching a movie. Try not to go into you know Instagram and TikTok and all that stuff. We're not trying to like watch a movie and also be on social media, maybe turn your phone into airplane mode or something like that. But just have a notepad or the notes app at the ready so that when stressful thoughts come into your mind, or any thoughts really, you can jot them down and revisit them later. Because I know for me, if I don't have that notepad, I'm gonna be watching the movie and then think about, oh my god, I forgot I wanted to research opening a dirty soda business. I better go on a Craigslist and see how much it is to buy a prefab shed for my dirty soda business. Like that's how distracted I'll get, and then I'll miss 20 minutes of the movie while I'm researching this random thing that popped into my head. So we have to have a notepad by our side to get those thoughts out of our head and onto paper so that you can actually enjoy your decompressing movie or TV show. So, yeah, there's fidget toys, sunflower seeds, we got the notepad. You can also eat popcorn, you can have other drinks that are non-alcoholic while you're watching your movie, and one of my favorite things is to do a puzzle. I think this it could be a whole other category of stress relief, but like regular jigsaw puzzles, like 500-piece puzzles, I'll do one of these while I'm watching a TV show, and again, it kind of allows me to focus on the TV show because I'm doing something with my hands. And the way that my brain just completes completely turns off when I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle is is incredible. Like I I have gotten so into jigsaw puzzles because I can't think. If I have something on the TV that I'm watching and I'm also using my brain and my hands to complete this jigsaw puzzle, there's no room left for obsessive thoughts about all the things that I have to do. I fully can turn off my brain and put that energy into my hands, doing the puzzle, into my brain, doing the puzzle, watching the show. Like there's literally no room for any other thoughts. And it works wonders. This is what I'm talking about with healthier strategies to physically turn off your brain, because that's what alcohol used to do. We wanted to drink and just have no thoughts, let all the stress melt away. So as long as you have written down the four or five things that are top of mind that are stressing you out that you have to do, then we can work on turning off the brain through the walk and podcast, through the jigsaw puzzle and TV show, through exercise, um, and an audiobook. Okay. So those things kind of paired together have been the key for me, and it really, really helps. This episode today is kind of like a note to self because I was really struggling, and for some reason, I when I am stressed and when I have so many thoughts going on in my head, it becomes so overwhelming that I don't even know what to do next. Do you know what I mean? I'm just so stressed. I I don't know whether to make a coffee or go to the bathroom or get dressed or shower first. Like the simplest things become really heavy in my head. So if I've written the things down, like the actual things that I need to do for the day or the evening or the next day or whatever, then I can just break it down and actually take a bite of the to-do list, if you know what I'm saying. So it's not just jumbled thoughts and just stress for no reason. You actually know what you have to do, what's on your list, and how best to attack it. A really great strategy too is using Chat GPT to help you with managing your to-do list. So I'll put a list of things that I have to do into ChatGPT that are like really mundane tasks all the way up to like big long-term tasks. Like, for example, this soda shop that I'm thinking about maybe opening one day. Um, that's like a big vision, right? That's months of work down the road. But I'll put it into Chat GPT in my to-do list right next to brushing my teeth. I kid you not. And I put this long list of everything that I want to do, and I say, okay, Chat GPT, here's all the things I have to do. It's really stressing me out, the number of things I have to do. I don't know what to do first. Can you please send me a to-do list with time frames so that I can get everything that I need to done in a realistic amount of time? And I throw it into Chat GPT and it says, okay, right now, get out of bed and brush your teeth. Then it's like drink your water. Then it's get into the shower while you think about what your episode's gonna be about today, and then sit down and record your episode. Edit that and get that done so you can cross it off your list. Chat GPT is actually really, really good at prioritizing things and helping you manage your time if that's something that you struggle with as well. So my overarching message is that sometimes stress like you're not actually stressed about the things you have to do. You're just stressed from not knowing where to begin. And it's like too many things to do, and you don't know which order to do them. And so just the thought of having to do things is stressful, and you can't relax because you have so many things to do, but you want to relax to relieve the stress, it's a vicious cycle. And so writing the things down and then working on turning off your brain is the best stress relief you can get. And it's healthier than just drinking away your stress and then getting right back to the stress the next day. Because let's be real, if you just have a few beers to turn off your mind and forget, essentially, then tomorrow you're just starting all over again. I think that's it how we get in that cycle of drinking every day, because the stress never actually goes away. You're basically prolonging dealing with the actual stress. And I I'll finish this off by saying the number one way to relieve stress is actually completing what you need to do. Whatever you're stressed about, like doing those things, actually crossing things off your to-do list is the best stress relief possible. And I'm not saying that you have to do it right away. I mean, for me, recording this podcast episode is striking one thing off my list. But if you just have it written down, that kind of gives you the opportunity to cross it off eventually. You don't have to stress about the thought of doing those things because it's already written down on the piece of paper, and then you strategize how to get it done.

unknown 20:51

Huh.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

It's this is not a skill that I have mastered, so it's hard to like speak from experience. But as somebody who gets very easily stressed and overwhelmed, these are things that have helped me. And on that note, I think I'm gonna head out for a walk right now because I think I just need some sunlight and like need to move my body. I think that's what I truly, truly need. And probably I need to stop drinking caffeine and like just drink some water or electrolytes or something. Whew. It's I've been so stressed today, and I have not thought about alcohol in a long time. I've been sober for 660 days or something like that, and the thought of drinking has not popped into my head in a really long time until today when I was so stressed and overwhelmed that I was like, oh my god, this would be a really nice opportunity to drink alcohol and turn off my brain because I'm just going nuts. But I've been sober for long enough that I'm able to recognize, hey, yes, a part of this is because I have a lot to do right now, okay? But a part of this could be um my hormones and the you. You know, the female menstrual cycle. It could be the weather. It could be all sorts of different things. It could be that I just had a crazy weekend surrounded by tons of people and now I'm alone and I'm feeling that kind of like social hangover type of vibe. So I think that's why writing things down just brings me back to reality. It's like, okay, there could be a lot of different factors affecting me right now. Let's actually get real for a second and write down what I actually need to do so that I can decide what do I need to do today, what can be done later this week, what can be done later this month. And that just helps me stomach the reality of the situation so I don't go crazy with thinking I have to do a million things. It's like, what do I actually have to do? And outside of that, chill girl, go for a walk, work out, get some light in your eyes, drink some water, treat yourself to a little sweet treat. Writing things down and doing something stress-relieving is a healthy strategy. It really helps you like deal with what's going on instead of just band-aid fixing it with alcohol. And it just gives you realistic expectations. So highly recommend writing things down and then doing a stress-relieving activity like one of the ones we talked about in this episode. And hopefully that helps you manage stress a little bit better in sobriety. It's not easy. I'm still working on it. If you have any tips beyond this, please let me know because I could I could use a few more. I do my best around here. And even talking about this today has helped me remember that there are other strategies. Like stop running in circles and actually do something about it to make yourself feel better. So that's what I'm gonna do with the rest of my afternoon. And with that said, thank you for listening to today's episode. I hope your day is not stressful and it is peaceful, and I am wishing you the best. Asta la pasta. Goodbye.