Staying sober on vacation

Today I'm giving you the tools to survive and thrive on your next sober vacation! It can be hard, but I promise, you'll be so grateful and proud that you stayed sober once it's over :) And eventually, you'll start to realize that all parts of life (even vacation) are better without alcohol. You got this!

Facebook support group: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1C1WB9osnc/

Transcript

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Hello and welcome back to the Sober Scoop. My name is India Gantz. I'm your host, and in light of the recent vacation that I went on, I did some traveling in Vietnam. I thought it would be a good time to talk about my vacation tips for sobriety. Because a lot of people, especially in our Facebook support group, the Scoop Troop on Facebook, which, if you want to join, the link is in the description. A lot of people in there are saying, like, oh my gosh, I'm about to go on my first sober vacation, or I'm going to my first sober wedding. Like it's always these things that are associated with alcohol, I guess, that are so intimidating to experience for the first time in sobriety. Because I know me as a drinker, like all bets were off on vacation. I mean, uh, all bets were pretty close to off mm during regular life, but for vacation, it was like I didn't have to feel bad about the amount I was drinking. I wasn't gonna be judged for drinking in the morning or over-drinking. It was like I could display my alcohol problem out in the open. And everybody drinks on vacation, all the people you're with, every restaurant's trying to push it on you. Like it's hard to stay sober for that first sober vacation. So in today's episode, I want to give you some of my top tips for staying sober during your vacation. So the first tip that I have is to dive into something else other than alcohol. Like, there are other ways to treat yourself, whether that be with food, like going out to dinner and having a really nice meal or getting the dessert. Like when you're at a wedding, actually having the dessert. Sometimes when I was a drinker, it was like, I'll just have the alcohol and skip the dessert. Like, actually have the dessert. You could also treat yourself to self-care. You could get a massage. Um, I think this is kind of a reward system for staying sober. It's like because you're not drinking, you can do these other things. If that helps you to look at it that way, then great. Another way you can look at it is that you're saving so much money a lot of times by not drinking. And so you can put that money towards other things, like a nice meal, or even if you're in an all-inclusive resort, it's like get your money's worth, but get your money's worth with the food and the dessert and all the amazing amenities like the pool and the spa and whatever else they might have. It doesn't have to be alcohol. So I always say, like, over the holidays, on vacation, at weddings, dive into something else. I think about myself over Christmas, and I used to associate Christmas with alcohol. Like that was another situation where all bets are off. Like I could just drink however I wanted over the Christmas holiday. And in sobriety, I choose to make some really fun desserts or make a mock tail, and you can just take your attention off of alcohol and put it into these other things. My second tip is to plan things for the morning. Like be that person who is up super early on vacation and enjoy that morning time that maybe the old you would have spent just recovering in bed eating noodles and maybe starting drinking again. Like enjoy the morning. It is a beautiful time on vacation. And I know that when I was in Vietnam, like that 6 a.m. to 7 a.m. range, I was up really early because I was also kind of jet lagged, um, but that 6 to 7 a.m. range was so special. I got to walk around the lake and see like all the locals. They were working out and dancing and just the morning is such a special experience in Vietnam, and I'm sure that it is in other places too. So it's kind of just like this special slice of vacation that not everybody gets to experience. I mean, when when I was out at 6 or 7 a.m., I did not see that many tourists walking around because people are on vacation, they want to sleep in, they want to take it easy, they're recovering from the night before. Well, not us. We can get up and get moving and have like such a beautiful start to our day, whether that's taking a walk and getting some physical fitness, maybe trying out a cafe, reading, having some time to yourself. If you're with like a group, it's nice to have some time alone. Um, yeah, so the the morning time is really special, and I encourage you to take advantage of that when you're sober. Because, like I said, when I was a drinker, the mornings were not like this amazing, happy, energetic time. Usually I was suffering. I mean, especially on vacation, and people make jokes about it all the time. I mean, I when I go on a group vacation, or like even when I listen to a podcast of mine, like she's always talking about, oh, you know, we were all just so hungover, oh my god, we were like hugging the toilet in the morning, had to start with a hair of the dog down to Bloody Mary and two mamosas. Like, that doesn't sound enjoyable. Maybe the old me as a drinker would have been like, oh yeah, that sounds fun, but not anymore. There is so much more to life than drinking. And when you're sober, you actually get to experience that. We get to experience life so fully. Uh like from morning until night, we are taking advantage of life. We only get one life. So do you want to spend it like half human lay in bed recovering from a hangover? Or do you want to be up and moving and enjoying this one life that we have? Not to get too deep, but I really do value our life, our one life that we get. And like I want to make the most of it. And I encourage you to do the same, especially when you're on vacation and you're taking time off work, and this is your chance to live it up. So live it up. Don't be sleeping until noon and drinking the hair of the dog. And speaking of that, like I want to talk about just seeing vacation through sober eyes, because it's pretty special. I was intimidated about this at first because I thought, like, half the reason vacation is fun is because you're a little tipsy all the time, right? But when you're sober, like that sunset that you're watching at the beach or the sunrise or that walk you take around the park or that cafe you try, like you you just feel everything so deeply. And at different stages of your sobriety, this might be different. You know, I experienced the pink cloud in the beginning, so everything was like, oh my god, life is so amazing. And then I kind of mellowed out, and then now I'm just kind of neutral and grateful for life. And when I when I am on a trip and I get to see these amazing things, this beautiful scenery. In Vietnam, there was so much gorgeous scenery, and I was just thinking to myself, like, here I am seeing this through fully sober eyes. I am taking this in for exactly what it is. I'm not like blurring my vision metaphorically and literally with alcohol. I don't need anything to enhance this amazing situation. Like it's already so amazing. And I think when you're sober, you also learn what is actually fun, like what you actually enjoy doing. I mean, I I was thinking about how my Vietnam trip would have been as a drinker, and all I would have been doing is trying to find the next drink constantly, the entire trip. I would be going from bar to bar to bar or corner store to corner store, like just trying to find booze at all hours. I would have connected with different people, I wouldn't have done as many things. I mean, I remember my first day in Vietnam. I was in Hanoi for like one full day before I left and kind of started bouncing around the country. Um, but that day in Hanoi, I was like, I'm just gonna take it easy and walk around and like see how many things I can get to. I crossed every single thing off my Hanoi bucket list in one day. I couldn't believe it. Of course, I'm traveling by myself, so I don't have to worry about anyone else's needs or desires, so I was just like on the move. But if I was drinking throughout that whole experience, you best believe I would have been sitting my bum in a bar for like a lot of the day and bouncing from bar to bar to bar, and then you know, I'm tipsy and I need a nap because I can't keep walking around with this buzz I've got going on, and then I wake up and I go get a drink again because I'm not feeling that good. I mean, it would have just been a whole different vacation and one that I'm not interested in having. The way I experienced it was so beautiful, and at the end of that first day, when I when I realized I did everything, I saw everything I wanted to see in Hanoi. I mean, I was all over the city walking around doing all the things that I wanted to. I did train street and I got my haircut, and I went to the egg coffee shop that's very famous. I had pho, I had bun cha. I had like everything. And I just I felt so good about myself. I got 30,000 steps, I mean, I was on the move. So that's the kind of vacation that I had. And I'm not saying that you have to go crazy in sobriety and like fit in so much more because you're not drinking anymore and you have no excuse. Like, no, that's just what I enjoy doing. I enjoy walking and seeing the city on foot. I found that to be really fun. And it what I was saying is that in sobriety you learn what you actually enjoy. So you don't have alcohol to muddy the waters, you don't have alcohol to distract you. I think sometimes we find certain things fun only because alcohol is involved. I mean, let's look at the concept of a house party, okay? Like a college-style house party where people stand around, they drink alcohol, nothing really happens. There's the occasional game of beer pong, which I find kinda fun, I guess, uh, but it's mostly just stand around and do nothing. I cannot stand house parties. In in sobriety especially, I hate them. I really, really hate them. I've found strategies when I absolutely have to attend one, but they're not fun for me because what is what is the what's on the agenda? You know? Stand around and drink, no thanks. It's not of interest to me. But when you're drinking, it's like you don't even notice time passing hardly. You're like, oh yeah, this is fun because you get a buzz and drinking is the fun. It's not the actual activity that is fun. And when you're sober, you discover what is actually fun. When you're on your sober vacation or you're at a wedding sober or whatever, some event, you learn what you actually like to do, and you fully experience everything. So let's go back to the all-inclusive resort example. It's like when you were a drinker, you're probably sitting at the bar just drinking all day. You're probably sitting by the pool ordering a pina colotta after pina colada after Miami Vice and daiquiries. You're drinking so much sugar and alcohol, and that is what you consider fun. Relaxing by the pool and drinking a ton. I mean, if you enjoy relaxing by the pool and like and doing that, that's great. But in sobriety, you're probably reading a book. You're probably ordering some really good food. You're probably talking to the person next to you, you're probably actually getting in the water. I don't know, like you just live. You're listening to a podcast that you really enjoy. Alcohol is not at the focus, if that makes sense. So at the all-inclusive resort, maybe you do enjoy sitting by the pool, but maybe you realize in sobriety that you also want to take part in the cooking, cooking class that they have going on, or the volleyball tournament, or you know, the water aerobics class, or you want to take a walk, or you wanna I don't know, there's so much to do in life. And in sobriety, not only do you have the energy to do it, but you realize what you actually like. Maybe you do the cooking class and you're like, mmm, that was actually not my favorite thing. Okay, now you know that you don't care for cooking classes, okay? If you're drinking wine the whole time, that's gonna be fun no matter what, right? But in sobriety, you learn what you like, what you don't like, and I think that's a really, really beautiful thing. And another tip I have for when you're on vacation is to definitively say that you don't drink, okay? Your response to people is I don't drink, or I'm sober, whatever you're comfortable with, but something definitive. None of this, I'm not drinking right now, I'm taking a break, I'm trying to see how long I can go. None of that, okay? None of that wishy-washy stuff, especially on vacation. And here is why. You are gonna get offered alcohol so often. I mean, in Vietnam, okay, it didn't happen that often, especially because I was traveling by myself, but alcohol was available a lot. The only time that I felt pressured was, um, if you listen two episodes back, I talked about their kind of happy water ceremonial drink. Um, and I felt a little bit ostracized for not taking part in it, but like I said, it takes 0.5 seconds to take that shot, and then the moment is over, and you feel so happy that you stayed sober. I'm gonna get into that more in just a second. But what I was saying about the definitive answer is that especially if you're at like an all-inclusive resort, okay, or a cruise or whatever, people are gonna be offering you alcohol this way and that. And if you're answering with, oh, I'm not really drinking right now, I'm taking a break, um, oh no, thanks, I I don't need any alcohol, you know, they're gonna keep pushing you. The people in your group, the staff, like everybody's gonna keep pushing you. You are like open to peer pressure when you answer like that. And so on vacation, I think it's very important to have a definitive answer. So when the wait staff is offering you a drink or some wine with your dinner, going around pouring the free wine, oh my god, that happened on my flight. The the flight attendant is walking up and down the aisle on Korean Airlines with just a bottle of white wine, just like filling up people's glasses if they want, like it's water. I mean, it was so funny to witness, but anyway, um I I said, I don't drink. No, thank you, I don't drink. And for the happy water in Vietnam, it wasn't like I said, I don't want to participate, because that's not true. Like, I don't want to say, no, I don't want to participate in your beautiful ceremonial uh drink, you know. I said, I don't drink. It has nothing to do with the situation, the person, the circumstances. My answer is I don't drink. And it was it was just so helpful to be able to say that definitively. Because there's no room for error there. There's no room for um being manipulated and pulled in any way. It's just I don't drink, and people can't really push beyond that. You clearly aren't open to being persuaded. I don't drink. It's such a key phrase to have on vacation. So I wanted to bounce back to that happy water example and just like the fact that that kind of ceremonial drink at dinner takes literally 0.5 seconds to take, and then that moment is over. So let's jump into that because I think, especially on vacation or at weddings or like these special experiences, we feel pressured to drink because it's like it it feels in the moment like once in a lifetime, or this is so special, like your best friend's getting married, you're not gonna have a glass of champagne with her, or you're in Vietnam and the locals are offering you happy water with the meal they made in their home. You're not gonna participate in that. And I get the pressure, trust me, I do, because I felt some of it in Vietnam. I was like, this half a shot of rice wine isn't gonna freaking throw my whole sobriety, but I would be so disappointed in myself. And that's what the focus needs to be on, I think, is like the guilt and shame I would have had for having that drink just outweighs any pressures I I felt to have the drink, if that makes sense. Like, yeah, I felt a little bit pressured to have this happy water shot, and they kept asking me. They didn't the locals didn't really understand the idea of being sober because I don't think people develop alcohol problems there because they're not able to overindulge in alcohol, which is an interesting conversation, if you ask me. But anyway, yeah, I felt pressured for a moment. I felt ostracized. Even the guy who said he was sober, and we were connecting over that, still had the shot of happy water at dinner. I was blown away. I was like, oh my god, okay, well, I guess it really is just me staying sober for this happy water shot. So yeah, it was hard. It was hard for sure. But what I was saying is that that moment of feeling ostracized, pressured, whatever, if you can stay strong, that moment passes so fast, and then after everyone takes their shot, it's like that's over, and you instantly feel so proud that you didn't do it. Instant gratification is not worth it in the end. And so when you're on vacation, I encourage you to broaden your uh perspective, I guess, on the situation. Like it's not just about that moment, that daiquiri that they offered you, that shot that they offered you while you're in Mexico of tequila, that glass of champagne with your best friend when she's getting married. Like that moment is so small. And the grand bigger picture is that you are living a sober life. This is one small moment in your sober journey and your sober life. Look at the ratio there. This this tiny situation that maybe you talk about for a minute or two with everyone, and then your entire life of sobriety. It's not worth throwing all of that away for that small instant gratification, that quick moment of participating in a drink just because you felt pressured. It's never gonna be worth it. And that kind of just reminded me, especially the wedding example with having a glass of champagne with your friend. There are always alternatives, and I I encourage you, if you're comfortable, to still participate in everything, but with alternatives. Because, first of all, I think it makes you stand out a little less if you're worried about being like the only one not taking a shot or the only one not having champagne. Finding an alternative and still participating makes you stand out a little less. It might make you feel more comfortable in the moment. And I think, as bad as this is, because I know we're not trying to please anybody else, but I think that it makes everyone else around you feel a little bit more comfortable as well. Because you're not sitting there with no drink, right? What I mean by finding an alternative is like if everybody's having champagne, run to the bar real quick or run to your bag if you have like a bottle of water, anything, like a sparkling water, a glass of apple juice, like a glass of Coca-Cola or Sprite or something, like put something in your glass and participate in the cheers. I think it just it gives you the opportunity to participate in this thing. Okay? Just because you're not drinking the exact same liquid as everybody doesn't mean that you can't participate. So it lets you participate and it just makes everyone else feel a little more comfortable, I think, than if you're sitting there with no glass, like not participating in the cheers. And I get it if you don't want to be associated with anything alcohol-related, because sometimes I feel that way too. Like I don't even want to pour something in a shot glass to fake participate in this. So I get that. But if you're comfortable, I think that it's a really cool way to still experience everything, be a part of everything, and not have like any FOMO. I mean, when I was in Vietnam and they were offering the happy water, guess what I did? And I don't know if everyone would be comfortable with this, but I accepted the shot. I said, okay, because they weren't understanding, like I don't drink, or you know, they didn't get it. So I took the shot in my hand. I did not consume it, I held the shot in my hand. And we did the whole cheers thing, they do this chant before they drink, and I participated in the chant, I held up my drink, and when everyone was literally, you know, head back taking their shot, I just set mine on the table. Most people did not even notice, and then later I just gave my shot to somebody else. I said, You can have this, by the way. And I made it like somewhat low-key, I guess. And so I just want to tell you all these things with the hope that maybe there's one or two things that you can latch on to for your vacation. Maybe maybe you do want to pour some Sprite into your champagne glass and have that. Maybe you want to order a virgin um pina colada, or you want to order a mucktail that still has like all the fun glasses and straws and fun fruits as the garnish, and I don't know, there's lots of alternatives, and I'm just telling you from almost two years of experience with sobriety, life is better in sobriety, and the vacations, as amazing as they are, they are slices of life. That's not your whole life. So it might challenge you, it might be a little bit more difficult because you're out of your normal routine, you're around people you don't know, you're being offered things, you know, you don't know where everything is, you have to go find stuff, and it's just taking you out of your normal. But every time that you successfully make it through, another experience that is just building your sobriety toolbox, and the next one will feel will feel even easier. So if you're a person who goes on cruises, every cruise after that first one is gonna feel easier. Every all inclusive resort is gonna feel easier after that first one. Every international trip, every wedding, every house party, like we are just building. Building our sobriety toolbox, and you will find tools to help you through those moments, and then you'll be able to use those tools for the rest of your life. Like I said, all of these special things are just glimpses of our lives. The bigger picture is our whole life. So if we can stay strong and stay sober during these random blips, these situations where we're out of the norm, then it makes for a whole better life, and like the majority of our life will still be happy and amazing and wonderful. And vacations sober are happy and wonderful too. I'm just trying to, I guess, get the idea across that vacations are abnormal and they're just a blip. Like you're good, you're still on your sober journey. You just make it through this blip. This and anyway, I don't know if I'm making any sense, but try to have fun on your vacation too, of course. Like I said, in sobriety, you discover what you actually enjoy, you see things through sober eyes. It's a beautiful, beautiful experience. And I give you permission, while on vacation, here we go, the big hitter. I give you permission to have a little bit of an ego. Look around at the people at the resort who are hungover, who are drinking in the morning, who aren't able to go on that morning walk with you because they're throwing up and, you know, clutching the toilet, okay? Like you can have a little bit of an ego about feeling amazing and prioritizing your health. You're not putting this cancerous substance into your body. You're waking up and you're feeling 100%. You can do everything you want to do. It's amazing to be sober on vacation. And I give you permission to have a little bit of an ego while you are traveling for vacation, okay? Because you're doing a really good thing for yourself, and you deserve to feel amazing. And you should. So, anyway, love you guys. If you're headed on any vacation soon, I hope you have a wonderful time. If not, feel free to bookmark this episode, save it somewhere, and come back to it when you're going on a trip. I hope that it really helps you. These tips have helped me so much over the years. So, thank you for listening, and I'll see you for the next episode. Bye.