How to spark joy in sobriety

Boredom, sadness, and loneliness are all feelings that can exist in sobriety, but there is SO much joy that comes with sobriety as well -we just have to learn to ignite it! If you want to find joy in the little things and squeeze the absolute most out of life, this episode is for you.

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Hello, hello, and welcome back to the Sober Scoop. Today we're gonna be talking about how to spark joy in sobriety. If you are so lucky as to experience the pink cloud in early sobriety, then you know you get a little shortcut to joy. If you're unfamiliar, I have multiple episodes about the pink cloud, but it's this thing that can happen not to everybody, but to some people in sobriety, where you feel this ultra elation, this really, really heightened sense of joy. And I experienced that so much so that you know I was feeling almost manic. I was like literally so high on life, I had to look up what was happening, and that's how I discovered what the pink cloud is. It wasn't like I already knew what the pink cloud was, and I was like, you know, placebo effect. I must be feeling that. I had never heard of the pink cloud before, but I was so unusually happy that I had to look up if that happens when you quit drinking sometimes, and that's when I learned that there's a name for it, the pink cloud. And, you know, that makes you obviously just start on a really good foot with sobriety. I believe that that kind of got me through the beginning of sobriety and like some of the hardest days, those days where a lot of people are relying on willpower to not drink. I was like so just high on life and happy to be sober experiencing the pink cloud that it just got me through, to be honest. Um, but the pink cloud wears off, and also some people don't experience the pink cloud. And also, sobriety is uh the long game. So if we're gonna be sober forever, like we have to find ways to spark joy. And unfortunately, and I've experienced this, I think every sober person has experienced this. There are some times in sobriety where you can slip into boredom, especially early on when you are adjusting to life without this liquid that makes you happy. Like anything is fun when you're a little tipsy. I mean, that's why I used to drink to go to the nail salon or go to the grocery store or do laundry because it was almost like my reward system for doing something boring. I I loved like drinking before. I went Christmas shopping at the mall. Just alcohol made anything more fun, and especially doing things alone. If I was alone, it was like alcohol was my friend. Being tipsy was fun when I was alone. But when you quit drinking, it's not like you know, there's no joy to be had anymore because you don't have the substance that makes you feel joy in boring situations. Now, in sobriety, we have to find joy in real things, in things that actually make us happy. And once we adjust and start looking at life through this lens, I feel that it is like the ultimate way to live. Like truly sober people are living life and finding joy in all the little things. It's such a beautiful experience. And even beyond the pink cloud, I in sobriety, I'm able to find such joy, happiness, and gratitude for very small things in life. I think also a lot of drinkers have experienced like very low lows in life, whether that be the drinking problem itself or whatever happened in life to kind of ignite the drinking problem. I mean, when you have seen darkness, the light is is really bright. Like, I am just still to this day so grateful to have a sober life and for all the little joys because I know how bad it can be. I think we all do. I think we've all been through those times where it's like we wake up and we can't even imagine facing the day because we're at such a horrible place. I used to wake up every day and start with a drink because I was unsure of how I was going to live if I didn't at least have a drink, because the day ahead was going to be so torturous and horrendous and depressing. I remember I tell this story a lot, but I used to drive down Sunset Boulevard in LA, which is like this iconic road, you know, the big billboards kind of looks like, you know, a mini Times Square, and people are out sitting at tables, dining outdoors, and cheersing their friends and laughing. And I remember I drove down that road and I saw people just laughing and having a good time, and I just could not even compute how that was somebody's life. I thought there's no way that I could pull myself out of this low and ever experience something like that again. Like laughing and being with your friends and having a good time and having life be so light. I looked at those people and I was like, how can you just be laughing? How can you just be like spending your day sitting here having brunch when I had so much going on? There was there was just so much, and I was so depressed and I was so just suffering. That was when I was struggling with this relationship, and just every day was torturous. Every day I woke up and was scared of what was gonna come that day. Life was bad. And so when I, you know, became single and I was sober and well, okay, I I had another relationship after that. So I should say when I got into a healthier relationship and I was sober, um, I eventually got single. But like life was just so good, it was so good, especially when you compare it to that low, low, low. So today I want to talk about finding that joy because I think that a lot of times we find or we think sobriety is gonna be boring, and even when we get sober, I think because we don't have the liquid that literally made us have fun and have a personality, we're like, wait, this is boring. How do you do anything without alcohol? But the beauty is that without alcohol, you actually have to find what genuinely brings you joy, not just what's fun with alcohol. Now, joy doesn't have to be these huge, exciting moments in life. We don't have to chase that dopamine and have like something amazing every single day just to scratch that itch, you know. We don't have to do something huge every day. Joy can come in such little things. And I think the key to finding joy is truly to start appreciating the little things and have gratitude for the little things. I a long time ago, probably very early on in this podcast, I made an episode about Lucky Girl Syndrome. And I feel that I had Lucky Girl Syndrome in the beginning of my sobriety because I noticed the positive things. If we hyperfocus on the positives, then more positives start to appear in our life. And if we focus on the negatives, more negatives start to appear in life. So it really is about finding joy in that smell of your morning coffee or trying a new recipe or going to a new coffee shop. It's about taking a walk and listening to your favorite playlist or your favorite podcast. It's about like meeting up with a friend for a walk and you just love their company so much. It's about putting on a sweatshirt that is just so cozy and you feel so warm and comfortable in it. It's about painting your nails a color that makes you happy, or buying a ring at the farmer's market that just makes your fingers twinkle and you love it. There are so many little joys in life, and I think to start experiencing more joy, we have to appreciate the little things. And it might sound corny, but it's not, especially when you compare it to the life we had. When you compare it to the lows of a drinking problem and suffering through that every day, and feeling that you're trapped and can't pull yourself out and you're dependent on alcohol and you're just so, so low in life. When you compare that to then being able to find joy in something so simple as a sweatshirt, like that's such a beautiful life. And I think that juxtaposition is really important to recognize. And also, as you go through life, just try to take inventory, be a joy detective. Okay. As you're going through life in early sobriety, pay attention to the things that make you lose track of time. For example, for me, I talk about how I do jigsaw puzzles, and it kind of makes me like turn off my brain and be able to just dive into a TV series that I'm watching. I'm not overthinking about everything. It brings me joy. It makes me happy to work on these puzzles. And that's something that like I never thought I would be into. Um, but when I tried it, I was like, wait, this kind of makes me really happy. So pay attention to what makes you just, yeah, lose track of time. And that could also be like a long walk. If I have a good podcast or good audiobook to listen to, I could walk for like three hours straight. It just makes me feel so alive and so whole and it makes me shut off my brain. So I guess maybe things that make you lose track of time or think things that make you stop thinking so much and just be. Also pay attention or think about what you loved doing as a kid. I think this is so important because we lose that a lot, especially when alcohol is involved. Alcohol becomes the priority. Our joy in life is going to the bar. It's picking up a 12-pack and sitting at home. It's getting drunk for boring things, it's pregaming the pregame. But in sobriety, we find actual human things that make us happy. And I think we do have to remember who we were as a kid. I remember in early sobriety, I I thought about that. And I remembered just how much I loved sports. And so much of my journey, as you guys know, was like the drinking, but then also I had an injury, and I was just like forced to be pretty immobile for a while. So when I started healing from my injury, when I got sober, life started looking up, and I was just so grateful to be able to move my body again and feel good. And um I signed up for a volleyball league. I signed up for a softball league. Like I started just doing things that I used to really love. Sports were my life growing up. I started golfing a ton, which was a whole kind of unique experience in sobriety because golf was so surrounded around drinking for me. I loved to golf and drink, and golf for me was when all bets were off with drinking. Like if we had a 3 p.m. tea time, a 1 p.m. tea time, or a 7 a.m. tea time, if I was golfing, I was allowed to be drinking. So I actually didn't even mind having a really early tea time on a Sunday after a night out or something, because it meant that I could continue drinking and no one would judge me because you can get a bloody merry at the golf course and it's like fully accepted. So it was an interesting transition in sobriety and actually a really special one to rediscover my love for golf without alcohol and just actually loving the sport for what it is, that kind of competitive nature, that physical activity that that's uh part of it. Um it was really fun to rediscover that. I think another question you could ask is like, what do you always say, I should do that about? What are you always saying, oh, I should do that, I should try that? Do that in sobriety because we are gifted the gift of time in sobriety. Our 24 hours has just been expanded. It is actually crazy. And this is intimidating in the beginning. Like the days can feel so agonizingly long where you're like, how are there this many hours in the day? This is insane. It's a really weird feeling. I remember I was like, oh my god, this day is still going. Sheesh, I've already cleaned my room and done the yard work and folded my laundry and finished work and worked out and took a walk, and I still have seven hours to kill. You know, the days just feel so long in the beginning. But that's why it's important to ask yourself, what have you been saying? I should always do that, or I should try that. I should do that. Maybe start a notes app. And every time you think I want to do that, big or small, write it down. I the first thing that comes to mind is learn Spanish for me, because I've been wanting to work on my Spanish. Um, I studied it growing up, and I have, you know, decent, very basic conversational Spanish, and it's been like, I just want to secure that. I want to like finish, I haven't done it yet, but I want to like finish my Spanish studying and learn Spanish. And so, I mean, when I first got sober, I signed up for Spanish classes. And I only did a couple of them, if I'm being honest, because then I broke up with my boyfriend and moved from LA and all that crazy stuff. So kind of had a bit of a reset. But right away, I signed up for Spanish classes. When I had thought about studying Spanish for so long, I did it in sobriety. Maybe you've wanted to start a side hustle. A balloon arch business, I did that as well. Maybe you've wanted to write a book. You've wanted to clean out that closet or your junk drawer. You've wanted to redo your wardrobe. There's all these things that like long term we've thought about doing. And in sobriety, you're allowed to do those. You can finally start ticking some things off your list, and they're not like these big, faraway ideas that we're never actually going to achieve. In sobriety, you can actually start ticking those off. There's enough time in the day to do those. And oh my gosh, it just makes me like so happy thinking about this because my life was just trickling away before my eyes. I was just wasting away my one chance at life. And when I got sober, I started living for real. Like all these things that I've wanted to do, that I thought about doing, that I said one day I would do, I just started doing in sobriety. I was so proactive about actually doing the things I said I would do. And that's such a good feeling. To become yourself, be who you've said you were going to be, and find joy. Do the things that you said you've always wanted to do. So just be mindful of those things, write them down, and go ahead and start doing them. As cheesy as they feel sometimes, like maybe you've always wanted to do a pottery class. It's like at first you're thinking, that feels so dumb to like go do a pottery class. But you're sober, you have the time to do it, and once you actually go and do it, you're like, wait, that was actually really fun. Do stuff out of your comfort zone, try things, we have the time to do it, so why frickin' not? Let's squeeze the absolute most out of life. The cool thing too is as you're experiencing all of these things, you're actually experiencing them. Isn't that a beautiful thing? Because when we're drinking, oh my gosh, it's like it's like I was never really there. I'm tipsy, I hardly remember things. Oh my gosh, okay, I have a story. Last night I went to the Fifth Avenue Theater to see a chorus line by myself. It was so fun. That's what I'm talking about, like sparking joy. I love going to the theater, I love having little solo dates, and so I I did that, and it was great. And it it took me back to this time, and I'm like so embarrassed, so embarrassed by this time. But basically, there was this show. I don't even remember what it was. I don't even remember the show. But I really wanted to see it at like I forget what it's called, the Pantages, is that what it was? In LA. And so I bought a ticket. I wanted to go alone. I've always loved doing things alone, sober and drunk. Um, but I bought the ticket, and I drank before I went, of course. And then at the theater bar, I remember I got like one of those, you know, they give you those like plastic sippy cups of red wine, and I stood at a table and drank that, and then I got another one before I even went in, and I brought the second one into the theater, and thank God I had an aisle seat because something upset me with that red wine. Red wine always didn't sit well with me if I went too far, and I think if I mixed it with whatever I was drinking before, but I was running to the bathroom during the show. Um, I mean like five times before I just up and left the entire thing. I actually, it makes me sick just thinking about it, like mentally sick. Like I'm so cringed out by myself. I sat down and within, you know, three minutes of the show starting, I was like, oh my god, I'm going to be sick. And I tried so hard to not get up and just kind of power through it. And I was like, I'm gonna be sick. So I left three minutes in, people are probably sitting next to me, like, why is she leaving already? Ran to the bathroom, threw up in there, then I went back and sat in my seat and watched some more of the show until I was like, Oh my god, it's coming again. And I sprinted to the bathroom, I did my business, and I sat back down. By the third time, I had to get up and go throw up in the bathroom. The lady working there was like, Are you okay? Are you a little sick? And I was like, Yeah, just really not feeling well. And she was like, You should go home. And I was like, Yeah, I should. So whatever, whether it was the third, fourth, or fifth time I went to the bathroom, I ended up just leaving. So I bought a really nice ticket to this show to go see by myself. I drank myself silly, threw up three times, like, you know, just awful red wine throw up, like I was so ill, and then I left. And that right there is prioritizing alcohol over literally everything. I didn't even hardly get to experience the show. I embarrassed myself. I paid all this money for a ticket, and I just left because of alcohol. That was a rough one. So, in sobriety, it's so beautiful because you're actually present for experiences. You remember your nights, you can wake up the next day after a night out and do things. For example, I'm recording this right now at 7 a.m. on a Saturday when I went to that Fifth Avenue show last night. I'm not sick, I'm not hungover, I'm not recovering. I'm making the most of my day. And I loved the show last night. I could tell you all about it. I remember the details. And come on, if you're gonna buy a ticket and go do these things for yourself, like you should get to remember them. We are literally experiencing life in sobriety, how life is meant to be lived. This is it. This is how life is meant to be lived. Fully remembered, fully experienced. We're squeezing the most out of it. And also in sobriety, you have more energy. Time, more money to do those experiences because you're not spending them on booze. And you know what else brings a lot of joy? Looking forward to things. This has been key for me. Actually, if you take one thing away from this episode, let it be this. The anticipation for something is sometimes even more joyous than the actual experience. I know that sounds crazy, but always in sobriety, especially in the beginning, have something to look forward to. Always have a flight booked, a show ticket booked, a trip booked, a friend visit booked, a dinner plan weeks in advance. Like always have something that you are excited for. Because the joy in the anticipation is sometimes even greater than the thing itself. My family and I planned a cruise so far in advance. And it makes me so happy just thinking about that. Looking forward to it. When I'm walking around, I think, ooh, that would be fun to wear on the cruise, or I can't wait to relax, or you know, you just look forward to it. Looking forward to something is so joyous. And I really think that you should always have something to look forward to. And this could be something way smaller than like, you know, a big trip or experience or something. On Monday, you know, you're starting the work week. If you have your hair appointment on Thursday, like that's exciting, or a nail appointment. Or if you want to do something free, like you have a walk with your friend where you're getting coffee and walking around the lake or something. Like you have that to look forward to. You're excited to go do that. Maybe you plan that on Friday you're gonna watch Practical Magic One before you go see the next one. And you plan that like you're gonna wear cute pajamas and drink a high-yo drink and make popcorn and watch that movie. And you just know that, like, oh, on Friday that's what I'm doing. Like, it's exciting, it's it's joyous to have something to look forward to. And I highly recommend that you always have something to look forward to in sobriety. It's all about those little joys and also the anticipation of those little joys. And this is the tough part, okay? Two things can exist at once. When we get sober, there's so much going on, right? Like we could be healing from a horribly toxic relationship, we could be healing from grief. There are so many different things that cause us to go down a dark path with alcohol. So when we quit drinking, there's a whole transformation happening. And we have to like be easy on ourselves. And here's the thing: you don't have to be fully healed in order to experience joy. Like I said, two things can exist at once. You can be suffering with your grief and experience moments of joy. You can be going through a dark time in sobriety because your whole life has been turned upside down, and maybe you lost something or someone in the process of your drinking problem, and you've just gotten sober and your life is just so crazy. You can be going through that transformation and still experience moments of joy. Joy can exist with loneliness, stress, grief, bad days. You can still have moments of joy while those things are present in your life. Sobriety doesn't mean you have to be happy all the time. Like it's a journey, and there are lows, there are highs, there are just learning experiences, because you're literally getting to know yourself all over again. It's a process, and I'm not going to pretend like every day is just like, woo-hoo, this is great. I love sobriety. Like, it's tough sometimes. Some days you don't like sobriety, especially in the beginning. But it's the little joys, okay? The little sprinkles of happiness that keep us going. And I choose to focus on the positives in sobriety. I got a lot of crap for this uh when I first started posting on TikTok about my sobriety, because everyone was like, oh my god, you don't know what real sobriety is, because I was like talking about all the positive aspects of sobriety, and obviously there were negative aspects. Of course, it was really, really hard. And like I was going through withdrawals and just like struggling. It was it was hard. Okay, but I chose to hyperfixate on the positives because that's what kept me going. I kept chasing those highs, and for me, that's what worked. People actually got mad at me on social media because they were like, you don't talk about the negatives in sobriety. And I'm like, Because I want people to feel inspired to get sober, because there are so many good things, and while it's hard, the good things outweigh the bad by miles, and I choose to focus on those, and I just I chase the highs. Like I said, that coffee, that sweatshirt, that nail color, that ring I bought at the farmer's market, all those little things make me happy, and I choose to focus on the fact that I'm able to feel happy about those little things. I'm just so grateful to be able to feel moments of joy, and that's what I choose to focus on. If we focus on this sucks, this is bad, this is dragging me down, this is boring, this is lonely. I'm not saying we have to deny those feelings because they're real, obviously. But I choose to chase the highs, and that's truly what I think kept me sober and kept me like excited about sobriety. Instead of it being this chore that I have to do, it's something that I get to do. I'm so, I'm so happy and grateful to be sober. And that really helped me. And maybe just one small shift is instead of like focusing on all the things that are wrong with a day, like let's say you're having a bad day, instead of focusing on this day sucks, maybe focus on what's one small thing I could do just to make myself feel happy today. I've experienced those low, lows, of course, we all have in sobriety. And on those days, I think about just a few days ago, I was having a pretty low day. And I went on literally the longest walk ever and listened to all my favorite podcasts, and it it made me feel so happy. I got my workout in, I listened to shows that invigorated me, I felt inspired again. And taking three hours of my day, which is like a decent chunk, to go spend time with myself and take a walk, it was just it made me so happy. And I said I it's not like I have to get out of this funk, I need to not feel sad and depressed. It was like, what can I do for myself right now that would make me happy? And I happen to have enough time for a long walk, so that's exactly what I did. So if I had to challenge you in this on a on a joy challenge, okay, I would write down some like big picture things that you have always wanted to do. Things that feel so far out, like you know, travel to this place or write a book, learn a language, those those big things. And maybe once you have your list of 10 or so, maybe pick something that you're actually gonna start doing and have that be your current project. You could also on a smaller scale look at your week and schedule something that will bring you joy. I think those are two kind of challenges that I'd like to give you to do. Um, like I said, the anticipation of joy is half the joy. So get something on your schedule, take a step towards a big goal that you have. Try one new thing that you've always wanted to try. And I'll leave you with this. Be cheesy. Like I said, that pottery class, like that's a little corny. Come on, just do it. Maybe you have all these stickers and you've been wanting to decorate your b your water bottle. Do that. Maybe you wanted to start an art project, or you wanted to build something, or you want to do a closet clean out, or you want to go to this show, you want to go to a comedy show, you wanna I don't know, go to like a cooking class in your own city. We always do those things when we're traveling, but how about one in your own backyard? Do the corny crap. Okay? They're really fun in sobriety, and don't be afraid to just like spend time with yourself and do that corny crap. Find joy in the little things, and I hope that this episode brought you some joy. Life is so good. We are doing that thing in sobriety. We are doing the dang thing. We are truly squeezing the most out of life. It's such a beautiful journey, and I'm so happy and proud of you for being on that journey. We got this together. Feel free to join our sobriety support group on Facebook, except Facebook is down for me right now. Is it down for anybody else? It's been down for like three days. I'm really hoping I didn't get hacked or something, and it's down for everybody and not just me. But anyways, join the Facebook group if you want to. It's called the Scoop Troop on Facebook. The link is always in the description. It's free, it's just our sobriety community forum type of thing. And um, yeah, feel free to leave a rating or a view on the show if you enjoyed this episode. Share it with a friend who's on a sober journey as well. And on that note, thank you so much for listening. I will see you next Tuesday for another episode. Goodbye.