I miss hangovers

Crazy right? How could someone yearn for a hangover? Well, in sobriety, we feel 100%, 100% of the time... and that can honestly be exhausting. I've figured out a few ways to relax, but it's something I really struggle with. If you've ever felt the same, this episode is for you.

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Hello and welcome back to the Sober Scoop. Yes, sometimes I miss hangovers. I know that sounds crazy because that's like the worst part of drinking. In fact, for a well, I don't know if I'd say the worst, not for me at least, uh, but for a lot of people, the effects that alcohol has on them, the hangover the next day or multiple days is like one of the reasons that a lot of people quit or limit their drinking. Especially if you don't have like a drinking problem. I think people who get hungover very easily are turned off from drinking and just over time kind of drink less and less. Like hangovers are generally not appealing, but yet in sobriety I miss them sometimes. And I'm gonna tell you why. Hopefully, I'm not alone in this feeling. On social media, you guys have told me that like there are some random things about drinking that you miss as well. Well, this is one for me, so let's jump right in. So let me tell you why I miss hangovers, or more so hangover days. Because for me, when I was hungover, it was like all bets were off. It's like, well, here I am, you know, I'm injured, I'm ill. That was kind of how I viewed it, and I used the day to just do nothing. Like the day was completely written off, and I almost was excited to be hungover because I could drink for my hair of the dog to like get the hangover to wear off. I could eat whatever I wanted, like I ordered junk food, I would cancel my plans and just watch TV all day and tell people that I needed a quote-unquote mental health day. And a lot of times I would do the this type of behavior on the weekends, right? Because that's when it's socially acceptable to do so. But sometimes I would call in sick for work or not even call in sick because I worked remotely in like a creative industry, and so I would just have one of these days even while I'm on the clock, which is horrible. Um, but I would wake up and feel ill and like need a beer immediately to not feel like I was going to die. So I would crack into another drink, start drinking, like order McDonald's delivery, get the get the TV going, some series I want to binge or reality TV or whatever, and like all day I'm kind of in and out of naps. Um, I'm slightly tipsy all day long because the hair of the dog always leads to more and more and more. And that was kind of my day, like just a nothing day. And not only did I feel zero guilt about it, but I also just fully convinced myself that I deserved it. Like I didn't get, I mean, it's hard to say. I was about to say that I didn't get hung over very often, but I didn't get like badly hung over very often. Every morning I was a little uneasy. Like every single morning. Imagine, well, you guys probably know. Imagine that being your whole existence. Like you never feel 100%. That was me, every single day. Because when you're drinking all day long and having like a minimum of six drinks, like a light day was six drinks, I'd say. Um, you know, upwards of 15. And so every single day you're waking up and you really don't feel 100%. It's a mix of dehydration, hunger. Your bowels are about to literally explode and you can hardly make it to the toilet in the morning. Yeah, sorry, little graphic. Um you just feel sick. I would try to drink water first thing, and I would feel like I needed to throw up. Um, Akoz light didn't make me feel that way. It made me feel better. I would get like hot flashes and be sweaty in the night, and just I was ill every single day, pretty much. But what I was saying was that became normal, and it wasn't like debilitating. I was a little tiny bit hung over every day. Like what I used to say was I could sense in my body that there was alcohol in it the day before. It wasn't horrible, and it it became less and less horrible because it was routine and because it was habit. So that just became my new normal. Like that is just how I felt in the morning. I I think I even convinced myself for a while that that's just kind of how mornings are for everybody's. Like you, you always feel a little ill in the morning. Um, you always feel like a truck has just hit you and you gotta pull yourself out of bed and get going, you know. I every day was a little bit of a struggle, but that was just my normal. Then every once in a while, when I went really hard, usually when hard alcohol was involved, because my drink preference was beer, wine, and seltzers. So when hard alcohol was involved, I really didn't know how to monitor my drinking. Um, I took a lot of pride in never going over my limits. And beer, wine, and seltzers really allow you to have control of your drunkness. And I really, really liked that because I would start to feel a little drunk and I'd slow it down a little bit, then my buzz would start to wear off, then I'd speed it up a little bit. I just had so much control of my buzz, and I loved that as a drinker. And that's why, well, one of several reasons, I really never got into hard alcohol because I was so bad at knowing how it would affect me. And I feel like every hard alcohol kind of affects us differently. So I didn't like hard alcohol, and I got sick almost like every time that I drank hard alcohol, sick as in like, you know, I I'm on the toilet throwing up. Um so it's those types of nights where I would wake up and I would be really hungover, like, you know, just debilitatingly hung over. And those would be kind of my write-off days. And the whole point of this episode is that I miss those times, which sounds crazy. Why would you miss feeling horrible, awful, like liquid's gonna come out of every end? Um, why would you miss that? Well, let me tell you, as my girl, Miley Cyrus, said, sober queen, she said, In sobriety, you're 100% 100% of the time. And she was saying that as a good thing because she would have a singing opportunity or an audition or whatever, and she would, when she was drinking a lot, she would have to like prepare and stop drinking and figure out when her last drink could be, and like, you know, just sober up before these things to be her best self. And when you're sober, you're ready to go at any time. It's kind of like my new favorite quote, actually, that I'm trying to live by in other aspects of my life, which is stay ready so you don't have to get ready. And for me, that's like doing my makeup and my hair and like putting on a cute outfit every day, so that if I need to like record a video or go meet somebody or anything, I don't have to like spend an hour getting ready. I'm just already ready to go. So, anyways, that's a quote I'm trying to live by these days, but I'm getting a little sidetracked. Miley Cyrus. So she says, now that she's sober, she's 100%, 100% of the time. And that's a really beautiful thing. And truly, I wouldn't change it for the world. Like, I love it. I feel like I can conquer the world. It feels so good. I feel that my 24 hours that I have on earth every day is like so much more than the average person's 24 hours. And I know that sounds bad. Maybe I mean, I don't know what percentage of the world doesn't drink, but at least compared to the old me, the drinking me, my life was just cut into like a quarter. My 24 hours was really more like four hours. Because I mean four hours that I could actually be productive in the day. Because I'm sleeping, of course, and then it's like I wake up and I'm I'm drinking for my hair of the dog to get the day started, and then I'm productive for like a little bit, and then I have a lunch beer and I'm starting to get tipsy, and then I'm productive for like a little bit longer, and then you know, 2 p.m. hits, and well, that's 5 p.m. on the East Coast, so I can start drinking a little heavier, and from the moment I start drinking heavier into the evening, it's just a write-off, basically. Like, can't do anything, can't work out, can't cook, can't work on my side businesses, nothing. Like, I just became a non-human kind of around 2 p.m. every single day. So I've screwed up the number a million times, but my days were basically like, yeah, 10 to 2 or so. 11, 12, 1, 2, yeah, four hours a day of like actual life, actual living, somewhat being productive and able to do things in this world. And now every hour that I'm awake is productive. Except for when I'm sleeping, but even then I might consider that productive because I'm actually getting good sleep, unlike when you're drinking, you're getting horrible sleep, you're waking up in the middle of the night, you're tossing and turning, you never reach REM sleep, you're always exhausted. It's all it's horrible. Now, I would call even my sleeping hours productive hours because I'm recharging for the day to be my best self again. Um, yeah, so I'm I really feel 100% 100% of the time. And that's a beautiful, beautiful thing. However, it's also exhausting, and this is kind of the the subject of this episode is that I kind of miss guilt-free just taking a day to be a frickin' lazy slob because I don't think I've been a frickin' lazy slob since June 20th, 2024, when I got sober. And that's tiring. That's really tiring mentally um and physically sometimes. And yesterday I was I was having a day. Like I just I I couldn't bring myself to be productive. I was so tired. I was also like really ravenous, just so hungry. And I was like, I'm really tired, I'm really hungry, I have no energy, I was worried I was getting sick, but you know, I'm feeling okay today. Um but yesterday I was just not feeling it, and the guilt ate me alive all day long. So not only was I like not able to relax, but when I tried to relax, when I tried so hard to turn on the TV and just chill, pretty much every second that I'm watching TV, I'm beating myself up about the fact that I'm being lazy and like, come on, get to work, what are you doing? It's a Monday. You know, I I was beating myself up because I like I was shaking myself, just like, come on, get your work done. We can't have these days. And to think back when I was drinking so much to the to the fact that I would have those types of lazy days, like so often, once a week, is about what I would say, is just crazy. It's crazy to think back to those times where I was just okay writing off a full day at least once a week. And like I said, I would call them my mental health days. So, like to my boyfriend at the time, poor guy, um, I would say, hey, I just need a mental health day. I really need to just like be by myself. Because I I'm an introvert and I really do need to recharge my batteries, and that's true in sobriety and when I was drinking. But I would have these days where I'm like, sorry, I know we had plans, but I gotta just be by myself, aka. I gotta drink unlimited amounts of drinks with no judgment from anybody else alone in my home. I just needed those days to just like be my filter-free, fully authentic, you know. I'm I don't I hate the word alcoholic, but alcoholic self, you know. I'm just saying that because it's uh shorter and snappier than saying person who has a drinking problem. You know what I mean? Anyway. So I just needed a day where I could just be, where I could go down to the liquor store and get a 12-pack of Coors Lights and just drink one after the next after the next alone in my apartment and nobody would judge me. And I could sing and dance and nap and watch TV and order delivery food, and nobody judges me. I was just like doing my own thing. And I wouldn't answer my phone, and I would just, yeah, I would just veg. And I just don't do that anymore in sobriety. And I love that, but I hate that. Like, and here's the thing I posted a video about this, and people were like, you just need to take a day. Like, you still deserve to just have a day where you're doing nothing. Sure, absolutely. I tried to do that on Sunday as well. That's why I thought I was getting sick because I was like tired on Sunday, tired on Monday, but I'm I'm feeling just fine. I was just extremely low energy, I guess. But anyway, I tried to have a write-off day. Like, I I'm well, I finished it now, but I was watching Furious on Hulu, which, if you haven't seen it, put it on your list. It's so good. Furious. Hulu, amazing. One of the best scripted shows I have seen in the last two years, I would say. Like top five scripted TV shows I've seen in the last couple years. It was really, really good. So I just wanted to watch that. And this was a Sunday, by the way, so it could be a write-off. It's not even a work day, right? And not to mention, I also played in a golf tournament and won for the first five hours of the day. So anyway, it was just the second half of the day that I was trying to just veg and recharge and relax. I was so exhausted. But I'm watching TV, and the whole time I'm just like, oh, you know, her shirt in the show reminds me of this clothing brand that I want to reach out to and try to work with on a social media campaign. And oh, that girl's name reminds me of this email that I didn't respond to. And then I go down the rabbit hole checking my emails, and then I go, I open up Instagram and I have one DM from a brand, and I decide to start DMing a hundred brands trying to, you know, connect with people. I that's my work, by the way. So relaxing and vegging just leads me into working because I'm feeling like so guilty about it. And sometimes I will put my phone down and like to the side and just say, watch this show. Come on. Like, come on, girl, you can just watch TV and chill for a little bit. And I just feel myself thinking about checking the phone a hundred times. And it's not like checking my text, checking my notifications, seeing if my video did well. It's like work stuff because I work largely from my phone. And if it's not work stuff, or if it's not uh, you know, internet stuff, then I'm in my notes app writing ideas down. I'm going to the whiteboard to write stuff down. That's why sometimes I do a jigsaw puzzle while watching TV. Because oddly, like stimulating my brain and using my hands to do the jigsaw puzzle makes me be able to just watch a show without feeling like I need to write stuff down or check things all the time. So that's one little hack that I have. But even then, it's like seriously, in order to chill and just veg and watch TV, you have to be doing a jigsaw puzzle. Like, that's productive in itself. That's like a brain game. Why can I not just fully turn off my brain? And as you guys know, I've talked a lot about like some ADHD symptoms that I feel, so I know that that could be part of it. And the old me when I was drinking could consume alcohol to quiet those ADHD symptoms and the hyperactivity in my brain. And I think alcohol like gave me some relief. And I I liked that I could relax when I was drinking alcohol. Um, but now I don't have that. I don't have anything to turn off my brain. I'm like a hundred percent completely sober, and I'm not interested in exploring a substance that would calm my brain. I'm not I mean, I go back and forth on ADHD medication, but I'm not really interested in that. I'm definitely not interested in like weed or CBD or anything like that. Um I just this is the brain I was blessed with, and here we are. So anyway, I think it's part ADHD symptoms. I think it's part growing up in an era of cell phones and just being constantly stimulated by the phone, especially as somebody who works in social media, and you know, I'm constantly learning and developing new ideas and uh just taking in uh content from other creators to develop my own style and get inspired, and um then it's like scrolling and it's just dopamine after dopamine after dopamine hit. And so, yeah, I think it's a mix of like maybe being born with an ADHD brain, then the overstimulation from the phone, and then like of course not having alcohol to calm my brain. Um, yeah. So it irks me that I just can't relax. And like I was saying, when I posted that video and I was like, I miss hangovers, I just want a ride-off day, I want a day where I'm doing nothing and I'm lazy, and everyone's like, Yeah, just take one of those days. You deserve one of those days. Trust me, I've tried. I have tried to take one of those days, and I just can't. Like, I can't. The guilt overwhelms me. You guys would be appalled if you saw my notes app. I mean, it is miles long with every single thought I've had cross my brain in the last several years. Um not organized at all, just a list of thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, to-do list, to-do list, thoughts, more thoughts, business ideas, vacations, all in one. Just everything. Brain dump in my notes app. Because my brain's just constantly going. Relaxation is just not a thing, really. The only the only time that I sometimes feel relaxed is when I don't have a choice. I'll give you three examples. Number one, on an airplane. A lot of times, even if they have Wi-Fi, it's not good Wi-Fi, so I don't even bother purchasing it. Um, so you know, you're on airplane mode, you can't be working, you can't check your emails, you can't post on social media. Like, I love to veg on airplanes and just watch movies I've already seen before and turn off my brain and just chill. So on airplanes is one area where I feel that I can just fully, fully relax and unplug. The second place is when I'm somewhere very rural with no service. So this could be like a hike in the wilderness or something. Um, or like the thing I'm thinking of is when I was in Vietnam and I had no service. Um, I was also on a different, what is that called? Time time zone. Gosh, a different time zone than all my family and friends. So like nobody's texting me during the day, there's nothing going on, even emails, like are they not coming in because everyone's on a different time zone. So, and then I would be in like rural Vietnam where literally you have no service, no Wi-Fi, no nothing. We were on this motorbike tour through the mountains, and it was just nothing, Ville. I didn't charge my phone for like four days because I just didn't even need it. So, um, like the charge just held for four days. Um, so, anyways, that's another example. And then another example which I'm looking forward to, my family and I are going on a cruise soon. And I know cruises are hated by a lot of people, especially other travelers, and I feel that. Like, to me, cruises are not traveling, those are two separate experiences. I don't classify a cruise as like, oh yeah, we're going on a trip, we're traveling. No. Traveling is all these other fun ones I've done internationally, but a cruise is a cruise. It's that's all it is. It's its own category. And I try to not purchase the Wi-Fi package, and you don't have cell service in the middle of the ocean. So you're just unplugged for like a week in the middle of the ocean, and it's the most amazing thing. And it's cool because I'm with my family, and it's like we all know that we're on the ship, even if we get lost. We're somewhere on that ship. And so sometimes you'll go two hours without seeing anybody, and you're like lounging on the deck, you're hanging out in a random bar doing friends' trivia on the ship, like you don't you don't even know where your family is. It's just you're fully, fully unplugged, and it's amazing. I feel no guilt about chilling and just like sitting on the deck sipping hot cocoa at night, watching some random movie. I just love it. So those are kind of my three areas that I can feel relaxation. You would think like a facial or a massage would do it too. Getting your nails done. No, those are not those are not like relaxing activities to me. I know that sounds crazy, but when I'm getting a facial, that's my brainstorming session. Like she's doing stuff to my face, but I am literally coming up with acronyms to be able to remember what I have to do. My brain is going, going, going, going, and I'll have seven things on my to-do list, and I'll take the first letter of those seven things and make a word out of them so that I can remember to write them all down in my notes app after the facial. Yeah. That's a facial for me. And getting my nails done, one of the one of my least favorite things. I have not been to a nail salon in so long, maybe once in the last year and a half or so. And that's because I hate having my hands occupied. Like you want me to just sit there and not be able to do anything productive while I'm getting this service done. Just stare into space for an hour. I actually hate it. So, yeah, it's interesting because you'd think that would be a time where I could just turn off my brain too, because there is nothing else to do. But no, those three examples are really just the only areas where I can fully relax. And so I try to embrace them when I have them. On the cruise, I try not to purchase the Wi-Fi and just really, really unplug. In Vietnam, I I try to not seek Wi-Fi and like try really hard to be connected. I just let it be difficult and don't connect. And on the airplane, I don't even look at the Wi-Fi package usually. Sometimes I do it if it's like just for your text messages, but even that, I just try to like just watch movies or download something on Netflix and just chill. So those are the ways that I'm able to chill. And again, if I'm at home doing a jigsaw puzzle really helps. Um I've talked about how I struggle to get in the shower sometimes. I think that's also kind of an ADHD thing. Like I really just don't enjoy showering, but I've put a phone mount in my shower, and so I'm able to watch TV while I'm in there, and I kind of enjoy that too. Like just standing under the hot water and watching TV or some YouTube video or something. So I find that kind of relaxing. Now I'm just listing things that are relaxing, but um, one other thing is listening to a podcast and walking. Like I think it's when I'm doing something else as well, then that occupies my brain, and so I can relax. Do you know what I mean? Like when I'm walking, I'm using my feet, I'm looking around, using my eyes to take everything in. And then I'm listening to a podcast and I'm just honed into the podcast, and my brain can be quiet because my body's moving, my eyes are stimulated, and my ears are listening to something. So it's like there's not that much time for me to think about things. And if I do, I've got my notes app right there. I just jot it down real quick and it's out of my mind. I'm actually so looking forward to going on a walk later and just catching up on the podcast that I listen to. It's something that I really, really enjoy and it is relaxing for me, even though I'm out on a walk. So that's what I'm saying. And like the TV in the shower. It's like technically you're being productive because you're getting your shower done, and I'll like do my everything shower, wash everything, shave, whatever I gotta do, like full hair wash, because I want to watch my TV show. So it's like really the full veg where you're fully just lounging on the couch doing nothing, it doesn't really exist for me in sobriety. I have to like try hard for relaxation. I have to seek relaxation. I saw this crazy video that was like so relatable. I I'm gonna butcher it, but it was this lady who was on vacation and she was like, okay, we have to start relaxing in approximately 10 minutes so that we get two hours of relaxation before we have to go to lunch. And then so to optimize our relaxation, we should start by, you know, she's like calculating how to optimize her relaxation. I'm like, that is so me. I can I can't just watch TV. So let me see, if I want to watch TV, maybe I could do my laundry, or I could do this jigsaw puzzle, or I could get in the shower and do my everything shower during these during this episode. You know, it always has to be something. And I miss just saying, screw the world, screw everything. I'm doing nothing today. Today's a total write-off. That just doesn't happen anymore. And I guess I'm just starting to accept that that's how it is. Like I said, I have those few scenarios where I get to relax and I really enjoy those. But sometimes I think I reached a point this weekend on Sunday and then on Monday again where I was just like, I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from always being on. And you break it down even to like social interactions, and most people in this world, I feel like, have a drink or two on a date, or like when you're hanging out with a friend, or when you're out at an event or something. And so those people don't even have to have as much social anxiety. We are just on all the time. Every emotion that people feel, we are just feeling it at full octane, like full what's the word, full emphasis every single time. All yeah. I mean, getting nervous to hang out with somebody, then being nervous while hanging out, then having anxiety about everything you said afterward, and not drinking to get through any of it. Just feeling all of that. Alcohol can't eliminate any of our thoughts because we're not drinking. It's just a lot sometimes. So, yeah, I don't know what the purpose of this episode is. Maybe just to like make you feel seen if you're also feeling this way. Like, obviously, I love being productive. I love my life, and I would not trade it for the world. I literally feel like I'm squeezing the most out of life. We only get one chance, and so I want to make the most of it, and I'm so beyond grateful for the life I have and all that I'm able to do in my 24 hours every day. But sometimes it's exhausting. Sometimes. And I feel like that's just something that us sober people have in common, is like it's pretty hard to just have a nothing day, especially when we used to use alcohol in order to have a nothing day, and now we don't have that liquid to help us chill. So in most cases, we just don't chill. I know I don't, except for those very few select situations that I explained. So it's tiring. But such is life, and I'm grateful for sobriety and I'm grateful for my life. Thank you for listening. I'll see you for the next episode, and yeah, love you guys. Thank you for the kind messages. I've been receiving a little bit more than usual in my DMs and emails, so I really appreciate you guys like getting in touch. I'm kind of putting a face to the listeners when you guys reach out, so I really appreciate it. It makes me feel like what I'm doing here is worth something. So thank you so much for everyone who has reached out, even if I don't reply to every single one of them, just know that I have seen them and it means the world to me. And last thing I'll ask is that if this show has had any impact on your life, um, I'd love if you could follow it on Spotify, leave a rating or review on Apple, um, and just support however you can. So thank you so much. And in return, I'd love to support you however I can. My DMs are always open. Like I said, I love chatting with you guys. And thank you again for listening. I'll see you on Tuesday for another episode. Bye.